


may we stay lost on our way home

by thoroughlytrash



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: + of course angsty jean, 5+1 Things, F/M, Fluff, Mikasa-centered, except its 4+1 but well, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 10:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7931413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoroughlytrash/pseuds/thoroughlytrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times in which Eren is the most important person for Mikasa (plus one time he isn't).</p>
            </blockquote>





	may we stay lost on our way home

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from "c'mon" by p!atd ft fun

**i.**

“Go and defend your boyfriend,” he tells her before jumping away, not giving her a chance to respond. Mikasa feels her face heat up, red climbing up her cheeks before she readjusts her scarf, trying to cover it.

“He’s family,” she says, her voice soft and surely not heard by anyone. She can’t help but wonder what it would be like if they were together; before she can dwell too much on that, she remembers the task at hand and jumps from the building, soaring towards Eren in his titan-form.

(The moment before she jumps, however, she can’t help but think of a boy with ash colored hair with an undercut. She quickly shakes the image out of her mind, reminding herself of the promise to Eren’s mother.)

**ii.**

“You should catch up with him,” Jean tells Mikasa, watching her carefully. Eren left, jumping, only a second prior. Jean is changing his gas – he had run out and if he’d overlooked that, he wouldn’t have time to change it in the field, which would have most likely resulted in a deadly accident. “You know he won’t wait for you.” 

“Eren isn’t like that,” she responds, though her breath seems to hitch and her eyes hold a certain bit of discomfort and insecurity before her face goes back to her steel façade. “I’ll catch up to him,” she says instead of defending her friend further, and takes off before he can reply, and he’s left staring after her figure for a moment.

He jumps off a second after that, following her the best he can; it’s an endless cycle, he thinks, as Eren escapes from her and she escapes from him.

(He doesn’t mind, he thinks, for even a moment with her is worth everything for him.)

 **iii.**  

They depend on each other, really, at least for a few hours between the night and dawn, when she has nightmares and he holds her together. It started accidentally, when she wandered near the boys’ rooms after night fell, and he saw her when he went to grab a glass of water. They started talking, until she started sneaking into his room to let him hug her and relieve her of her nightmares.

“Don’t go,” he asks her one morning, half-asleep. By now, it’s almost a ritual – she always leaves before the sun peeks through the sky, but for the moment, everything seems fine. He can forget about the Titans, about everything that’s wrong with this world. 

(He can forget that she doesn’t really, truly love him; nor does she hold any feelings for him whatsoever – her whole purpose of being here, no matter how good she is at training, is to watch over Eren.)

“I have to,” she tells him, already out of the bed. It’s not like they’ve even done anything, he thinks, his eyes opening to watch her shrug on a sweatshirt. He’s grown accustomed to her visiting him, letting her sleep in his bed in return for being able to spend a few priceless hours with her.

It still hurts, though, when he watches her chase after Eren during the day, and he knows fully well that he’s nothing more than a rebound.

“I’ll see you later.” Mikasa says to him before she steps out the door, not waiting for a reply and not looking back.

(He can’t fall asleep after she leaves; nor before she comes to him, the next night, and he hates himself for it, starting to grow accustomed to something that won’t last long.)

**iv.**

It’s been a terrible expedition, and more than half of their squad has been wiped out, while most of the ones that survived landed in the infirmary, unconscious.

Mikasa, fortunately, only got away with a few scratches, but she wishes she had received Eren’s fate; a head wound and something of a broken leg that will supposedly heal in the next few days, according to Armin, a gift from his Titan abilities.

She rushes inside the infirmary, not stopping to attend for a moment to Jean, who’s lying on one of the beds, still unconscious. Instead, she storms to Eren’s bed, plopping down by the chair no doubt prepared for her, and takes hold of his head.

“Eren,” she whispers, and brings up a hand to his hair. The bandage wrapped around his head stops her from touching his forehead, and she instead settles on moving closer, her knees bumping into the bed.

She stays by his bed for the rest of the day.

(When Eren isn’t looking, she casts a few glances at Jean, and when she leaves to bring Eren some food, she catches one of the cadets taking care of the infirmary and asks about her friend, her eyes wide with worry as she thinks about his ash colored hair and arrogant smile.)

**\+ i.**

It’s rare nowadays, that most of their squad gets hurt during the expedition. It’s usually only a few people, as a result of bad aiming or unfortunate timing. And usually, none of those people are any Eren is close to – it probably helps that he only talks to a handful of people.

Today, however, is different; he notices Jean on one of the carts with the wounded; he probably misjudged the distance or hooked onto an unsteady surface or had an equipment malfunction. Either way, he’ll be fine, Eren knows, he’s seen him live through worse.

So it’s not a surprise that after he goes to his office, he waits for Mikasa; she usually shows up immediately after they come back, only stopping to put her horse away. He’s left staring by the window, hoping she’ll arrive soon; it always helps him to have a conversation with her, and to know that he’s always her top-priority – however selfish that sounds, he knows it’s true and it gives him a sense of fulfillment. He knows that they’re two pieces of something, bound to end up together.

When he hears quick, sure footsteps, he knows it’s Mikasa, and a smile sprouts on his face. He’s aware he should be serious, mourning for all the people they have lost, but he can’t, her bringing up his spirits. He turns around to look at the door, ready to see the handle turn –

Yet he hears the steps move past the door and he frowns, moving to the door and opening it just in time to see Mikasa disappear around the corner. He scowls, and closes the door behind him as he starts to follow her.

She ends up at the doors to the infirmary, and he hears a strong, “is he in here?” and the cadet standing in front of the infirmary, looks over her shoulder, meeting Eren’s eyes

“No, uh, Co – ,” the young man starts saying, and she shakes her head rapidly.

“Jean,” she explains, and Eren stops at that, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open as he watches the cadet nod and sees her push past him. He follows her slowly, getting more and more confused.

Passing through the door, he can notice her rushing to the man she had previously mentioned, quickly sliding to sit next to him on the bed. She grasps one of his hands with hers before going to run a hand quickly through his hair.

“God, Jean,” she breathes and he feels like he’s intruding for a moment; he’s still standing away from her, but all the others in the infirmary are passed out and none of them are conscious. “I thought I lost you.”

It’s an intimate moment, Eren thinks for a second, one that he shouldn’t be eavesdropping on, yet he can’t tear his eyes away as he sees a small smile appears on Jean face, before the latter reaches up to touch the side of her face.

“I wouldn’t dare do that to you. You’d kill me if I did that,” he says and she gently smiles at him. “I’ll be alright. You shouldn’t worry about me; you still have Eren to attend to.”

 _Finally,_ someone with a sense of logic and duty and –

“He can wait,” she tells him as she takes her hand out of his hair to softly readjust the pillows behind him. “He’s not a little kid anymore, he can take care of himself.” There’s a small pause between them as Eren is left staring unbelievably. She’s forgetting about him to spend time with Kirschtein? “As can you, yet you still managed to get yourself hurt on the battlefield.”

“By only a three-meter class, too,” he adds, a small smile on his face, as she gasps in disbelieve before he laughs, and she slaps a hand gently on his chest, making sure not to hurt him in the process. “I’m kidding! Jeez, I’m not _that_ bad – sure, maybe I’m not as good as you, Ms. I’m-worth-a-hundred-men, but I’m good enough.”

“Shut up, idiot,” she tells him, though the words hold no real malice and his smile only widens at them. “Perhaps I should be in your squad to make sure you don’t make a fool out of yourself and die on the next expedition.”

Eren quickly picks up that she’s only half joking; by now, it’s obvious to him the feelings she holds for the boy – the man, really – she’s sitting next to, and he can’t help but frown, not happy at the prospect of losing her to _him._

“I don’t make a fool out of myself!” Jean flushes, and she sends him one of her rare smiles, amused. “Anyway, you really should go back to Eren. He – he must be waiting for you.”

Eren exits the room, knowing he should make it back to his office before any of them catch him standing in the doorway.

(He misses the sight of Jean avoiding Mikasa’s eyes after he told her to go to Eren, before she leans down to press a small kiss to his lips.

“Get better soon, Jean,” she tells him, her voice low as her face is millimeters from his, and she feels his warm breath on her. “I can’t stand losing you, not now. Not ever.”

It’s as close as she’ll get to telling him she loves him; but somehow, they both understand and Jean’s eyes meet hers.

“I can’t either,” he tells her, and she leans down again to kiss him.)

She reports quickly to him, and within a few minutes she’s out the door. She doesn’t come to dinner, and Eren thinks he knows where she is.

(It hurts him, really, and he wishes she were to stay by his side.)

**Author's Note:**

> If you see any mistakes feel free to tell me them down below!! 
> 
> \+ if you have any prompts,, feel free to give me them below too!!


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